Guilt - holding on for too long.
Revelations in my life come in so many shades and shapes.
I have felt guilt for many decisions I have made or reactions and behaviours in my life. For how I have not been able to be there for when my parents and my grand parents passed on.
For how I have treated family, friends, co- workers or strangers. For how I have not stood up for myself or others when experiencing unjustness, emotional or physical abuse.
I have worked to release a lot of these over the years and made amends. But what I haven’t seen is how some guilt seemed to have crept into my body. Stored hidden into the memory of every cell.
Feeling guilt for being different, for making choices that were looked at as selfish by others but were necessary for my personal well-being, for my sanity.
For making choices that were not popular, not understood by my family or friends. Many of these choices in my life created guilt.
Some because I went against what was expected by society or by my close peers. Some because I was guilt tripped (very subtle) by friends or family.
It wasn’t obvious, but that guilt has held me back.
The expectations that where placed on me unconsciously in my early years and that in my mind I didn’t fulfil have created, such high standards by myself that often ended up in guilt for not reaching them and in coming down hard on myself for not being better.
While blindsided by the revelation of early unconscious guilt feelings it was a beautiful awakening and lifted a weight off me so that I can allow myself to be even more so who I truly am.
By adjusting my high expectations for myself to a more realistic level, softening the way I speak to myself and consciously releasing the guilt that has been stored within, I feel lighter, more energised and as always excited what else is possible.
The inner work is not always easy, but so rewarding when another step is taken.